Family

Family... the people who are supposed to have your back and care for you no matter what... well in my case i can only count on a couple members of my family to actually be there for me. the other members of my family are nonexistent. yes, i will admit that i did some screwed up stuff in my life, but my family never seemed to get over it, doesn't matter how many times i apologize or anything they don't give a shit.

let me tell you something about my family, i have 2 "brothers". yes its in quotations because when it comes down to it, i really don't care about them. last year the bridge with them was completely burned. unfortunately, i hate to admit it, but if my brothers died or something tragic happened, i probably wouldn't be there for them. sad but true. i can honestly say that i have no love for my brothers what so ever. I'm angry at them and probably will never forgive them. i can't stand to even be around them. all i want to do when i see them is yell and scream at them for being assholes. my brothers did not attend my wedding, granted i didn't invite them. they could have come if they wanted, but it wasn't important to me that they were there. now them not coming to davids funeral or sending a text or a message or a card, now thats low. i don't give a shit who you are. that is something i could never forgive them for. ever. I'm sorry, but i can't. that was a low blow and the most disrespectful thing i have ever had happen in my life.

yes i know i was a screw up, probably according to my family still am. everyone wonders why i don't seek help or reach out to people, its because i have never felt comfortable in doing so. i hate confiding in people. i have always felt alone. i know its partly my fault because i push people away, but people just give up. as much as people say that they don't give up on someone. they do.

i was drowning. my family didn't care. i don't get phone calls from my "parents". i have to call them. they don't reach out to me. the only people i have received phone calls from to check on me is my grandma, and my real dad. 2 people out of an entire family.

my family didn't know that i was drowning. i went on drinking binges. drug binges. one night i got so drunk and took so many pills... i somehow got my truck home, and i don't remember hardly anything of that day.

nobody knows what i go through. nobody actually cares. i now know what it feels like to be abandoned by pretty much everyone who you thought loved you.

this is my life.

did you know not one of my family members brought me a home cooked meal. did you know one of my own family members accused me of shooting david. this is what i come from. i hate going to family functions because i feel like I'm not welcome. so this is my vent on my family, and now you all know why i don't do family functions or talk to my family.