I have these dreams where David is still there and everything is good. everything feels so real... i'm at ease... then I wake up suddenly and expect him to be there...even though i know he's not. a part of me i guess still wants this to all be a nightmare that eventually i'll wake up from, but i know its never going to happen.
its heartbreaking to read somethings that the widows post because I'm feel the exact same way sometimes... in the dreams you want so badly for them to come back and be with you, and for everything to go back to the way it was... but maybe the way it was, wasn't the best for you.
i thought David would be mine forever. my one and only love... my true love, the one i was going to grow old with and watch our grandchildren from our rocking chairs on the porch drinking tea or something... we had a whole future planned. we were trying to add on to our family by trying to have a baby... man was that difficult. emotionally and physically and it definitely put a strain on our relationship. I'm not perfect, nor was he. That showed because he lost the battle within himself.
For some reason this tragedy happened in my life. I have yet to understand why. I have yes to understand why I have to start over in my life. To meet a new person. I tried with this guy named "Ralph". Yeah, didn't work well for me. So now its just time to work on myself some more and do me. I'm working. I start school in November. I'm hitting the gym. De-Cluttering my life. Trying to get my life together. So far its been working well for me. Yes I still have my bad days... I will always have my ups and downs, especially with this tragedy. Its unexplained, and horrible experience. Unfortunately it has changed me... I'm fragile, yet stronger.
Thankfully I'm feeling better... for now.
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